Shae Hadden

success

Young Women: The Hope of the World

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I believe young women are the hope of the world.

And my heart goes out to them—especially to those in college today. Our collective future is uncertain. Our world is in such turmoil: fear dominates our conversations. Trying to figure out your individual future in these times must be mind-boggling, if not depressing.

What can we as coaches give young women today that can help them create a positive future for themselves—and for us all?

Recently, I was coaching a policy advocacy student on her career choice. When we first met, the uncertainty and doubt she had at the direction she had chosen was palpable. Clearly, something was missing. Knowing how challenging it is to land a job, let alone fund a higher education today, I committed to helping her make the best choices she could now to have a future she would love to live.

Asking her “What do you want to do when you grow up?” made no sense. She was already on a path towards a specific “doing”.

Asking “Who do you want to be?” would probably be even worse. She would likely to come up blank—or respond with, at best, an example of a public figure that is someone like who she thinks she wants to be. Perhaps the next Hillary Clinton. Or another Lynne Twist.

Neither line of inquiry would move her forward. And both would subtly imply that she, as herself, is not yet a resourceful and powerful woman in her own right.

I believe she is.

There are two questions I asked her to cut to the heart of the matter.

  1. “What and who do you care about most in this world?”
  2. “What commitment are you willing to make to take care of that?”

This line of inquiry led her answers that were unique and intriguing to us both. And they revealed to me—and to her—her multiple talents, who she is here to serve, and what will feed her soul.

She realized that her current career path had a very distant connection to what she cared about and no connection at all to whom she cared about. So she researched what kinds of activities and people did connect to her “cares”. What emerged was a new vision of herself as an entrepreneur using her power in a variety of different ways. Through our coaching conversations, she began to see herself as the blue pearl I see her as and to take actions that have led to a good-paying job and access to the education she needs and wants.

I see young women like her as potent human beings. Given the right support, they can develop their innate capacity to consciously create our collective future. An ability that will stand us all in good stead as the systems that have given us the world we have today break down.

 

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Bestselleritis

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“B is for bestseller.”
Mark Haddon

I’ve spent some time over the last month listening to several experts sharing their experience writing best-selling books. I figured I might as well see what wisdom resonated with me—after all, these individuals have become gurus by succeeding at selling many, many books over time. A few tips later, I’ve got cauliflower ears from listening to hours of talking heads on headset … and a new realization.

There must be a lot of people out there looking for help with starting, finishing and promoting their book. Eager people who have their hearts set on writing a bestseller—and only a bestseller. Otherwise, how could these experts be in such demand for sharing their expertise on how to be wildly successful in the book industry?

I define this compelling aspiration, this writer’s condition, as “Bestselleritis”. Symptoms can include:

  • Ÿ  A burning desire to be on the NY Times Bestseller List
  • Ÿ  An initial belief that bestsellers happen overnight
  • Ÿ  An obsession with what it will be like to be famous
  • Ÿ  Recurring conversations about writing a bestseller
  • Ÿ  An allergy to writing
  • Ÿ  A file folder of great story ideas
  • Ÿ  An archive of incomplete manuscripts
  • Ÿ  A fully booked schedule for the foreseeable future

Wisdom from people who have gone before can be helpful in dealing with this condition. I’ve learned that the following pills, although sometimes hard to swallow, can further alleviate uncomfortable symptoms.

  • Ÿ  Be committed to writing. Trust the process and stay focused.
  • Ÿ  Be disciplined. Do the work.
  • Ÿ  Be humble. Admit you don’t have all the answers.
  • Ÿ  Be willing to give up other things in life. Put aside distractions and take the small steps, day after day, that add up to success.

At the end of the day, completing and promoting this book is my responsibility—and mine alone—with or without expert help.

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Image by Stefan Keller from Pixabay

Questioning Change

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“Remain introspective and open about your theory of change.”
Joe Brewer

I have great compassion for leaders today. They have to interact with multiple, complex systems as they are changing. And time and time again, we watch them successfully enroll people to participate in changing the world and then, just as unsuccessfully, see their grandiose plans to make things better play out in strings of failures.

What are we missing?

I’ve been thinking a lot about this in the last 3 weeks. Joe Brewer’s words have stuck with me….perhaps because they run so contrary to the way many of us relate to change. Growing up, I was taught to make sure I’m asking the ‘right’ questions and then find the ‘right’ answers. As if there was a right and wrong way to deal with things. Fine for simple basics like homework and high school relationships. Not so fine when it comes to the intricacies of adult life and the systemic breakdowns we’re witnessing in the world.

When it comes to complex, inter-related systems that are rapidly changing, the ‘problem/solution’ mindset seems to be falling short of what’s needed. 

Take a medical emergency, for example. When you have multiple health issues going on at once and something out of the ordinary happens, you want the doctors to look at as much of the picture as possible. It’s as if you intuitively know just looking at one or two facts will be insufficient. You want the doctors to keep asking questions, to keep looking at and paying attention to as many things as possible. If they don’t, widespread systemic breakdowns—or even death—may be in your future.

The same applies to creative projects. The challenge for me now in writing this book is to continue to question all my assumptions, ask powerful questions, be open to new inputs and new insights. This dynamically creative thinking space is where, I think, I can better grasp the complexity of coaching. Where I can let go of old mental models that no longer work. Where I can keep learning and adapting the book’s content to the changes happening in the world.

Perhaps the same applies to leadership. If we as leaders can remain skeptical about how the world is supposed to work and stay with the discomfort of not having a ‘quick fix’ solution, we may succeed in creating a world that does work.

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Dancing with Uncertainty

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“Uncertainty and expectation are the joys of life. Security is an insipid thing.”
William Congreve

It’s amazing how many years I’ve coasted along without taking time to re-focus and get clear about what I want in life again. Ever since I can remember, I longed for the security of living a pre-planned path, of having my life happen in a specific way. But deep down, I really wondered who this person called Shae was, why things didn’t always work out the way I’d planned, and what I was doing that was wrong. Ah, youth!

It pays to be clear—at any age. And clarity, especially in times of uncertainty, is an access to power. Being clear is the first step towards choosing freely.

For a while, I thought it was information that was missing for me to be clear. So I focused on learning. I eventually discovered that, more often than not, when it comes to fundamental issues in our lives like personal and relationship concerns, data doesn’t cut it. Relationships take two, and the only person we can ever change is ourselves.

The challenge is two-fold:

  1. We’re hardwired in our culture to resist change, and
  2. It’s extremely difficult to confront ourselves.

For a long time, I thought there was something ‘wrong’ with me because I couldn’t get my chosen path in life ‘right’. So I tried therapy for a little while to figure out what was unresolved and unhealed from my past and make things ‘right’ in the present. But what I really wanted to do was shift the future I was living into: a future that looked very much like my past. The future is not normally the domain of the therapist.

It wasn’t until I met and started working with a master coach that things began to get clear for me—including what I wanted for my future.

Now the various coaches I have relationships with have my permission to ask me the difficult questions I tend to avoid. I know they won’t provide me with answers and silver bullets. But they do help me observe my thoughts and review the outcomes of my actions without blaming me or making me wrong. With them, I feel safe looking at different perspectives and possibilities for my future. They are trusted partners with whom I can engage in generative dialogue without fear of manipulation or coercion.

Now, being attached to a specific way for my life to happen seems limiting, even dangerous.

I’m dancing on the edge of uncertainty as if it’s as sharp as the edge of this glass canoe.

And here’s where things get REALLY clear.

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This blog post by Shae Hadden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

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Coach Me!

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“The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential… these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.”
Confucius

My conversations this week with several high-performing executives weave together desire and humility. Take a sincere desire to learn and grow in service of something greater than yourself. Add the humble wisdom that you need to have someone you can trust showing you what you cannot see about yourself. Shake and stir—and you’ve got a powerful aperitif for coaching.

The high achievers I’ve been speaking with have already succeeded at stepping up to new challenges, starting new enterprises, dealing with constant change, and managing teams. But at some point, each of them recognized they needed to deeply engage with their leadership style or presence if they wanted to continue achieving and accelerating their results.

Their commitment to lead their companies in these uncertain times and deliver value to all stakeholders is unshakeable.

Their desire to be coached matches their desire to succeed—no matter what their circumstances.

Whenever people come to coaching with this “Coach me!” attitude, coaches have an opportunity to contribute fully.

A coachee who is committed to contribute the best of who they are, to become whomever they have to be in order to fulfill their commitments in the world, and to empower others to develop their full potential. This type of person inspires me to contribute my best to empowering them—and to become the best coach I can be.

Interesting reciprocity there….

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Being Coached by Shae Hadden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

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