Shae Hadden

time

Wabi-Sabi Season

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cracked jug_McpheeI think we’ve hit wabi-sabi season. The season to practice honoring and accepting the natural cycle of growth, decay and death. The time for a simple, uncluttered paring down to essentials. A time to find beauty in imperfection.

I feel like everything in my life is being pared down, and then pared down again. Inessential things seem to be falling away: possessions, fantasies, beliefs. What no longer resonates is dropping away. Even the net we all long to find underneath us is disappearing.

I’m coming face to face with my soul.

I look in the mirror and see the eyes of a sweet little blue-eyed girl staring back at me with the sad wisdom of a grown woman. I want to love what I see: the sun glinting copper on greying curls, the frayed edge of a favorite sweater, the smile wrinkles, and the collar hiding a Katherine Hepburn-like neck. I want to believe that there’s a quiet kind of beauty—a field of gold—in each of us just waiting to be discovered.

But Wabi-sabi season comes with not-so-welcome storms of tears.

The unfulfilled hopes of that little girl cry out to me. I’m suddenly grieving a haunted heart. Mourning the passage of time and unlived possibilities. Grieving who I am no longer. Crying out because this body I call mine is impermanent and will one day return to dust. Grieving for the state of the world.

In between cloudbursts, I talk with my coaches. And catch glimpses of that field of gold.

In the midst of this letting go, I’m beginning to see the beauty of cracks and imperfections. I’m beginning to discover the beauty of the soul.

Meanwhile, what remains in my life I care for with fresh precision and appreciation now—especially trusted relationships with coaches, friends and colleagues.

I wonder what will come after wabi-sabi….

Photo credit: Flickr Nick McPhee

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Being Coached by Shae Hadden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

The Endurance of a Long-Distance Writer

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yoga poseYear two of book writing. My ultimate endurance test. And, amazingly, a source of focus and joy. No matter what comes of this manuscript, I know I’m not wasting my time. I’m learning. And I’m becoming who I want to be.

This week marks the beginning of the rewriting. I’m actually having fun, seeing what’s good and not so good, diving in and giving it everything I’ve got. No holding back this time round. It’s like inviting all the pieces of myself that have been floating around, waiting for just the right moment to come together, to coalesce into the ‘blue pearl’ that is me. No saving for some future, as if this part of my life is a dress rehearsal.

It’s not about this book being good. It’s about it being as great as it can be. That means I need to be patient enough to hold back the manuscript until it’s ready.

It also means I need to develop the endurance of a long-distance writer. As a species, we’ve been favored when it comes to running long distances. Unlike other animals, we can sweat, thereby reducing our body temperature and avoiding overheating. We have short toes, increasing the efficiency of our foot movements. We can store energy as fats in tissue and as glycogen in our liver and muscles.*

When it comes to long-distance writing, I’m not sure we have as much going for us in today’s world. We’re inundated with calls for our time, energy and attention—from media news to overflowing email inboxes, expectations for socializing and keeping up with the Joneses. It’s only a few days into the new year, and I find myself being even more rigorous about what I do with my time than when I was doing the initial writing. And, interestingly, even more interested in developing my physical stamina so I can complete this book and do the work I want to do for the long haul.

So, yes, I went to the gym today to get reacquainted with the equipment and the exercises. Not because I made a New Year’s Resolution to get fit or strong. But because that’s what I need to add into my wellness mix right now, along with yoga and swimming, to fully reclaim my health. It’s been a long 5 years making my way back…but the next 5 are going to be great! Perhaps by 2018, I’ll even be able to do this yoga pose….

* “The Human Body is Built for Distance”, Tara Parker-Pope, NY Times (2009)

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This blog post by Shae Hadden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Photo credit: Flickr, Ron Sombilon Media, Art & Photography – Western Canadian Hatha Yoga Championships

Focus on Creating

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I love creating. Actually, I love creating what matters to me in the moment. Each completed creation becomes a foundation for new creations. The more I exercise my creating, the more creations I complete, the easier it is to conceive of something I couldn’t see before.

I’ve found it difficult in the last while to let go of some of my old creations. Ones that mattered to me very much when I was making them. But now, if I’m really honest with myself, they do not resonate with what matters most to me in this moment. Hanging on to them out of fondness or obligation or responsibility has me stuck. Hanging on to them feels egocentric, like a painter attached to their canvas, unwilling to sell their creation when millions of art appreciators could be enjoying it. Not that I’ve done anything wrong in owning my creations. It’s just time to let go and focus again on creating.

“When you are creating, where is the focus?
In the real creative process, it is on the creation and not on one’s self.”
Robert Fritz, Creating

A new era in my life beckons.

This week I brought a list of what I want to create next in my life to my coach. After seeing the number of items, he reminded me that I don’t have to create them all simultaneously, and that there is wisdom in choosing which ones to focus on first. And so, I selected my top 4 picks. I don’t have reasons for why these particular 4, and why not 4 others. Or even why I want any of what I want. These things matter to me simply because they matter to me.

No justification required.

What are you consciously choosing to create in your life today?

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This blog post by Shae Hadden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

GPS Unrest

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Have you ever found yourself without a GPS device, driving in the dark late at night, looking for a sign indicating you’re heading in the right direction? I don’t know about you, but for me, as time goes by, I find it increasingly difficult to remain calm and confident that the last choice I made was the right one. I have no idea whether I’m heading straight into difficulties or moving closer to my destination. So I drive with a bit more caution, a bit less speed, until I find a sign or until there’s more light on the situation.

When we’re on the road to realizing our vision, GPS radio signals and signposts can sometimes elude us. Let’s be clear here. I’m no Pollyana. I expect to experience frustration and loss in my life. Just as I expect to experience joy and abundance.

What I hadn’t expected in my book-writing journey was to encounter this state of uneasiness at this point. The signs have been clear all along that this is the way I have to go. There must be something I’m missing, something I haven’t done or something I haven’t said to have me be anxious now. Something’s out of sync or I wouldn’t be craving some rest from this GPS unrest.

A coach and dear colleague reminded me this week of the following quote.

“…it is the way he has to go, the journey toward it is the only life he enjoys. It is hard; it is exciting; it is satisfying, lonely, joyous, frustrating, puzzling, enlightening, real; it is his life, that’s all. He accepts it.”
Paul Williams, Das Energi

And another dear friend, also a coach, reminds me often that “The only way out is through.”

So I’m choosing to rest with my unrest, to keep moving my body through time and space, to do things that ground me in the present. And meanwhile, consider where I’ve been hesitating to act or acting with hesitation. Wherever my intentions and actions are out of sync.

These will be my signposts.

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This blog post by Shae Hadden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Image by StockSnap from Pixabay