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self-awareness

Finding Your Voice

February 1, 2013 By Shae Hadden

Every once in a while, someone will ask me about how to find their voice. That elusive quality in their communications that would have people say, “Now that sounds like you!”. My short answer: “The voice is the soul in motion.”

That usually pulls them up short. Then I share more.

As a baby, I discovered my voice by just opening my mouth and letting loose with whatever sounds emerged. No searching required. My voice was as natural as breathing. But as an adult, my mind complicates everything. I can so easily disconnect from any organic impulse to express myself in my attempts to be responsible, to take everything into account, to look good when I communicate.

Finding my voice as an adult hasn’t been easy.

Consciously putting my self out there. In the world. For everyone to see. It feels like the most intimate and vulnerable thing I may do in this life. My personal ongoing test of courage.

When I studied singing as a young adult, I’d get hung up with breathing and wanting to master the physiological processes involved with making sound. I wanted to understand what’s happening. All that thinking got in the way of connecting with the natural rhythm and ease of my baby self. I didn’t find my ‘sound’ in my first year of studying singing. Or the second, or the fifth. I eventually gave up the idea of having a professional career as a singer. Throwing caution to the winds recently, I tried singing gospel…and discovered once again how easy it is to just breathe, open up and let sound flow through me.

When I first started writing this book, I would sit with my thoughts for long periods of time, thinking and rethinking what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it. I wanted to be clear and thorough. I wanted to see myself as a brilliant thinking being. I’d grade myself on how well I captured my thinking in writing. All that thinking about my thinking got in the way of the natural flow of my thoughts. I choked on my writing. Until I shifted my focus onto just breathing and allowing the thoughts that wanted to flow through me to show up on the page.

Perhaps not surprisingly, it feels so much easier now to speak my truth in conversations than even a few months ago.

So be patient with yourself. And steadfast in your commitment to express yourself—straight up.

“The voice is the muscle of the soul.”
Roy Hart

In the end, your soul will have it no other way.

Creative Commons License

This blog post by Shae Hadden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Photo credit: Flickr, Steve Alexander.

Filed Under: Writing Tagged With: creativity, learning, persistence, self-awareness, writing

The Endurance of a Long-Distance Writer

January 5, 2013 By Shae Hadden

yoga poseYear two of book writing. My ultimate endurance test. And, amazingly, a source of focus and joy. No matter what comes of this manuscript, I know I’m not wasting my time. I’m learning. And I’m becoming who I want to be.

This week marks the beginning of the rewriting. I’m actually having fun, seeing what’s good and not so good, diving in and giving it everything I’ve got. No holding back this time round. It’s like inviting all the pieces of myself that have been floating around, waiting for just the right moment to come together, to coalesce into the ‘blue pearl’ that is me. No saving for some future, as if this part of my life is a dress rehearsal.

It’s not about this book being good. It’s about it being as great as it can be. That means I need to be patient enough to hold back the manuscript until it’s ready.

It also means I need to develop the endurance of a long-distance writer. As a species, we’ve been favored when it comes to running long distances. Unlike other animals, we can sweat, thereby reducing our body temperature and avoiding overheating. We have short toes, increasing the efficiency of our foot movements. We can store energy as fats in tissue and as glycogen in our liver and muscles.*

When it comes to long-distance writing, I’m not sure we have as much going for us in today’s world. We’re inundated with calls for our time, energy and attention—from media news to overflowing email inboxes, expectations for socializing and keeping up with the Joneses. It’s only a few days into the new year, and I find myself being even more rigorous about what I do with my time than when I was doing the initial writing. And, interestingly, even more interested in developing my physical stamina so I can complete this book and do the work I want to do for the long haul.

So, yes, I went to the gym today to get reacquainted with the equipment and the exercises. Not because I made a New Year’s Resolution to get fit or strong. But because that’s what I need to add into my wellness mix right now, along with yoga and swimming, to fully reclaim my health. It’s been a long 5 years making my way back…but the next 5 are going to be great! Perhaps by 2018, I’ll even be able to do this yoga pose….

* “The Human Body is Built for Distance”, Tara Parker-Pope, NY Times (2009)

Creative Commons License

This blog post by Shae Hadden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Photo credit: Flickr, Ron Sombilon Media, Art & Photography – Western Canadian Hatha Yoga Championships

Filed Under: Writing Tagged With: commitment, learning, persistence, self-awareness, time, writing

Grace & Mother

May 13, 2012 By Shae Hadden

“What a mother sings to the cradle goes all the way down to the coffin.”
Henry Ward Beecher

My mother was my first coach.

She always thought twice, once for her three daughters and once for herself.

Her belief in us was unshakable. Her gentle patience, remarkable. Her compassion, a source of strength. Her love, limitless and unconditional.

She was always there for us—forgiving, encouraging, guiding, coaching—no matter what.

When she died suddenly several years ago, I felt guilty for not being there for her, for not fully acknowledging her for teaching me about life and love, for not knowing who she was separate from being my mother. I wore my guilt like a warrior’s shield, trying to protect myself from losses and grief after her death. Eventually, I believed she was truly no longer here.

I was wrong.

Today, I know my mother never left. She is with me still.

The lessons of life and love continue in my many conversations with coaches and coachees.

Her words show up in other people’s mouths. A coach’s presence reminds me of her in some way: her intuitiveness, her stillness, her strength. The way someone describes their relationship with their coach echoes the kind of trust I felt she gave me—a trust that included accepting my choices even when my choices led to unhappiness and failure.

I am proud to be my mother’s daughter.

It is a privilege to become more like her as I grow older.

Creative Commons License

Being Coached by Shae Hadden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Filed Under: Self-Awareness Tagged With: coach, compassion, self-awareness

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