Shae Hadden

coach

Boundary Spanning

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“Relationships are all there is. Everything in the universe only exists because it is in relationship to everything else. Nothing exists in isolation. We have to stop pretending we are individuals that can go it alone.”
Margaret J. Wheatley

“Boundary spanning” showed up this week in several of the feeds I subscribe to. A new one on me. Such a technical term for what really boils down to building  relationships between individuals or groups of people.

The whole idea of boundaries—inherent in politics, leadership and organizations—seems so militaristic. Boundaries, borders, barriers, limits: all definitions of territory. Markers where we distinguish between you and me, us and them. Where we protect ourselves from harm. Where battle lines are drawn.

Not the healthiest way to look at our relationships. Or our world.

My relationships with great coaches ‘span’ boundaries. They are the bridge where we meet to acknowledge and appreciate differences, share common commitments, expand our capacity for compassion. A place where I can look at my worldview, open up to other perspectives, have new insights occur, create new options … in total discretion.

My coaching relationships are opportunities for extraordinary learning and partnership.

In an age of collaboration, great coaches are model boundary spanners.

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This blog post by Shae Hadden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Dancing with Uncertainty

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“Uncertainty and expectation are the joys of life. Security is an insipid thing.”
William Congreve

It’s amazing how many years I’ve coasted along without taking time to re-focus and get clear about what I want in life again. Ever since I can remember, I longed for the security of living a pre-planned path, of having my life happen in a specific way. But deep down, I really wondered who this person called Shae was, why things didn’t always work out the way I’d planned, and what I was doing that was wrong. Ah, youth!

It pays to be clear—at any age. And clarity, especially in times of uncertainty, is an access to power. Being clear is the first step towards choosing freely.

For a while, I thought it was information that was missing for me to be clear. So I focused on learning. I eventually discovered that, more often than not, when it comes to fundamental issues in our lives like personal and relationship concerns, data doesn’t cut it. Relationships take two, and the only person we can ever change is ourselves.

The challenge is two-fold:

  1. We’re hardwired in our culture to resist change, and
  2. It’s extremely difficult to confront ourselves.

For a long time, I thought there was something ‘wrong’ with me because I couldn’t get my chosen path in life ‘right’. So I tried therapy for a little while to figure out what was unresolved and unhealed from my past and make things ‘right’ in the present. But what I really wanted to do was shift the future I was living into: a future that looked very much like my past. The future is not normally the domain of the therapist.

It wasn’t until I met and started working with a master coach that things began to get clear for me—including what I wanted for my future.

Now the various coaches I have relationships with have my permission to ask me the difficult questions I tend to avoid. I know they won’t provide me with answers and silver bullets. But they do help me observe my thoughts and review the outcomes of my actions without blaming me or making me wrong. With them, I feel safe looking at different perspectives and possibilities for my future. They are trusted partners with whom I can engage in generative dialogue without fear of manipulation or coercion.

Now, being attached to a specific way for my life to happen seems limiting, even dangerous.

I’m dancing on the edge of uncertainty as if it’s as sharp as the edge of this glass canoe.

And here’s where things get REALLY clear.

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This blog post by Shae Hadden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Image by Sasin Tipchai from Pixabay

Coach Me!

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“The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential… these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.”
Confucius

My conversations this week with several high-performing executives weave together desire and humility. Take a sincere desire to learn and grow in service of something greater than yourself. Add the humble wisdom that you need to have someone you can trust showing you what you cannot see about yourself. Shake and stir—and you’ve got a powerful aperitif for coaching.

The high achievers I’ve been speaking with have already succeeded at stepping up to new challenges, starting new enterprises, dealing with constant change, and managing teams. But at some point, each of them recognized they needed to deeply engage with their leadership style or presence if they wanted to continue achieving and accelerating their results.

Their commitment to lead their companies in these uncertain times and deliver value to all stakeholders is unshakeable.

Their desire to be coached matches their desire to succeed—no matter what their circumstances.

Whenever people come to coaching with this “Coach me!” attitude, coaches have an opportunity to contribute fully.

A coachee who is committed to contribute the best of who they are, to become whomever they have to be in order to fulfill their commitments in the world, and to empower others to develop their full potential. This type of person inspires me to contribute my best to empowering them—and to become the best coach I can be.

Interesting reciprocity there….

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Being Coached by Shae Hadden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay

Impact or Influence?

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“A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives.”
Jackie Robinson

It seems like half the people I’ve been speaking with these days are contemplating what impact they want to have in the world.

For me, the word ‘impact’ conjures up images of large objects hurtling through space towards one another at fast speeds, of extreme force, of an urgent need to ‘push’ something out into the world to vast numbers of people. Not an entirely positive connotation. If I substitute ‘influence’ for ‘impact’, overtones of coercion and manipulation creep into the conversation. If I substitute ‘making a difference’, a focus on causes or activism predominates.

There is something to be said for choosing our words carefully.

One of my conversations this week re-oriented this whole inquiry beautifully for me. Wondering about what impact or influence or difference we want to make can be just another form of navel-gazing—and a great way to avoid being in action. And when we get stuck in this conversation, the impact we have is the exact opposite of what we intend.

A dear friend and master coach summed it up perfectly:

“Figure out who you are, what’s needed in the world, and what you have to contribute to that need. When you’re clear about all three of these, take action. The impact you have will be whatever impact you can have.“

In today’s world, we really don’t have time for dreaming about the impact we want to have.

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This blog post by Shae Hadden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Image by Jonny Lindner from Pixabay

The Beginning

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“You have to be willing to be an expert if you’re writing a book.”
Neal Rogin, award-winning writer & filmmaker

I’ve felt like an outsider all my life. Isolated and alienated. As if I’m not yet living my full potential, not really doing what I came here to do. And no matter what I did, it wasn’t quite ‘it’.

The question that haunted me: What am I here for?

I’ve committed to writing a book about the heart of coaching and the extraordinary impact coaches and coaching can have in the world. I’m compelled to write this book. I’ve never felt something pull me forward in this way before.

I have a vision of a world in which the principles of coaching and the way that coaches are have become part of our culture. Where our relationships—interpersonal, organizational and international—reflect the truths of great coaching relationships.

Imagining what then might be possible helps me sleep at night.

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This blog post by Shae Hadden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Image by Pexels from Pixabay